Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? I always used to feel a bit embarrassed if, when leaving a drinks party at about 9 p.m., people stopped me to ask where I was going. Usually I am going back to a dreary supper on my own but it seems so dull to say so. Moreover, admitting it often leaves one open to being corralled into an expensive and protracted restaurant experience. I have now found that the Daily Telegraph Court & Social pages are a useful source of inspiration for these occasions. Before going out I simply check the Today’s Birthdays column. If caught short, I claim that I am on my way to a dinner to celebrate the birthday of some obscure lord-lieutenant or admiral whose name I have seen listed in that morning’s paper.
P.T., London SW3
A. That is all very well but your life will seem even more dull if you are found out. Far better to say something less specific such as, ‘I’m afraid I am doing something incredibly dreary; too dreary to talk about.’ Your interlocutors will assume you are being discreet about dining with a celebrity and will not press you further.
Q. I was taken to lunch recently by a well-heeled friend at his club, White’s. You may imagine my surprise when, at the end of a delicious meal, my friend proceeded to rake his teeth with his forefinger, presumably to dislodge any fragments of meat which may have been trapped there. I would like to return my friend’s hospitality by inviting him to my own (far less grand) club, but how can I ensure that this process of manual excavation does not re-occur? Or am I being unutterably bourgeois?
T.B., West Byfleet, Surrey
A. No. Any sensitive person would share your dismay. Invite him back, but first study your own club’s regular menu. Note down those nursery food dishes such as fishcakes, spinach puree, jelly and ice cream which, due to their smooth texture, simply do not get stuck in the teeth in the first place. At home type up a bespoke menu listing only those dishes on a plain sheet of A4 headed with the date of your luncheon. Hand it to your friend as he sits down saying, ‘Do you mind if we stick to this Specials menu? It is by far the best.’ In this way the situation you dread can be avoided. Incidentally, this technique can also be used to outwit those guests who like to push the boat out if someone else is paying. Pre-empt the abuse by issuing your own affordable menu — the ‘Specials of the Day’.
Q. How can I recycle the beautifully decorated cupcakes my little girl makes if they are not eaten? It breaks my heart to throw them out but they are not so good after a couple of days.
K.D., London W12
A. Recycle them in bread and butter pudding or fruit crumbles, both of which actually require stale flour products. If seriously stale, you can plunge narrow candles into them and, as a variant to tea lights, display them at dinner parties.
Q. I have retired and am quite short of money, but what can I do for my country, Mary?
P.W., Ramsdell, Hants
A. Please grow vegetables or oversee others doing so.
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