Q. Even in smart places, waiters have taken my plate away before I have finished, if my head is turned, or they take away a companion’s plate while I am still eating. I recently had a whole slice of beef fillet whipped away whilst I was chatting animatedly away to a fellow guest. How can I stop the waiters doing this? I refuse to hold on to my cutlery between mouthfuls!
— A.S., Petersfield, Hampshire
A. The waiter’s confusion is understandable since so many of those who can now afford to eat in restaurants are unfamiliar with the classic conventions of the table. For some, the signal to remove their plate is given at the moment they stop holding their knife and fork. Meanwhile, the traditional British eater sends the same message by putting knife and fork together in the six o’clock position.
Strategically position a water jug so that access to your plate is blocked unless a waiter can get your attention and expressly ask your permission to remove it. In this way you can relax at the table, free from the fear of any ‘untimely ripping’.
Q. I recently had a voicemail out of the blue from someone I have known for several years, asking me if I would like to go out for supper ‘somewhere cheap and cheerful to catch up’. I was surprised as this person is neither cheap nor cheerful, is a lot richer than I am and has been to my house at least three times in the past two years.
I know this man has developed eccentricities and Scrooge-like tendencies — such as attending birthday parties wearing earplugs so that he can enjoy the champagne without having to be bored by those who have bought it — but I feel nervous of warning him that people are starting to talk.
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