Q. While staying for a weekend in a five-star Umbrian paradise south of Siena, you can imagine my horror when my breakfast partner recoiled at my pulling out my Baedeker on Siena. I always carry Baedeker when centreville-ing, but my companion expressed abject mortification and begged me to put it away. I consider myself to be a person of reasonably good lineage but did not realise it was bad form to have Baedeker in a public place. Can you rule, Mary?
A. It depends on whether you are interested in posing as so entrenched an habitué of Siena that you do not need Baedeker or whether you are more interested in self-improvement. You could do worse than to take your cue from the Florentine über-smartie, the late Sir Harold Acton, who openly boasted of ‘wearing out a Baedeker a year’ and could more often than not be seen openly wielding one as he accompanied visiting English friends around the art treasures of that city.
Q. A neighbour who I do not know well, but certainly well enough to invite to a drinks party, accepted our invitation with a pre-stamped reply card then failed to turn up on the day or ring to apologise. No doubt something more important came up and I would not normally be bothered, but I will inevitably meet this man on the platform of our local railway station and am slightly dreading the encounter. You see he is something of a celebrity and very much in demand at the moment. So it was marginally embarrassing and disappointing that he did not come since at least half my guests had their eyes trained on the garden gate as I had told people he was coming. I have now been left feeling like a celebrity-climbing imposter, so how should I retain my dignity when said celebrity patronises me in front of fellow commuters with an over-profuse apology?
A. Take the wind out of his sails by patronising him. ‘Don’t worry about it at all,’ you can reassure him. ‘We just thought we would push the boat out and invite everybody we know locally and it ended up being such a big party we were jolly glad there were a few no-shows.’
Q. My son, who starts university in 2009, was planning to work between now and January in a local shop to fund his gap year. This is what his older brothers both did but this year no one seems to be taking anyone on. My son is charming and bright and has a driving licence. Any suggestions Mary?
A. Since the boy has a driving licence, why does he not do ‘booze cruises’ or even Lidl runs? He could solicit commissions from parents of his local friends through the medium of Facebook. Lidl is becoming extremely fashionable at the moment — there are a reasonable number of acceptable products there, among them cloudy apple juice and pet food, at bargain rates. It would very much make sense for one person’s vehicle to do group purchasing. Your son could claim a commission of, say, £10 per run per client. Once petrol and time is taken into account, to say nothing of the joy of their sparing themselves the experience of shopping at Lidl, most parents will be pleased to pay out.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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