Q. The other day, when making a purchase in a rather poncy shop, I was taken aback when the assistant stared directly at the keypad while I was entering my PIN. Normally they make a point of rather ostentatiously looking away, but this one made a point of ostentatiously looking at the pad. I could not tell whether this was absent-mindedness, or to make the point that anyone working in the establishment must be above suspicion, or even some sort of double-bluff. I hesitated but then felt I had no option but to key the numbers in with him looking. Since then I have wondered how I might, without being rude, have asked him to look away.
—C.B., Aldeburgh, Suffolk
A. Perhaps he was innocently day-dreaming. You could have broken the spell by using the old trick of looking over his shoulder and declaring ‘How amazing!’ In the time it took him to spin round to see what you were looking at and spin back again, you could have keyed in the numbers. ‘I was just admiring your wallpaper,’ you might have explained pleasantly.
Q. My husband has begun eating off his knife. Neither of us can imagine why this habit has suddenly taken hold after more than 30 years of civilised table manners. When I reprimand him he at first apologises and stops doing it; then he starts again and snaps at me for noticing. He has even started eating from his knife when we are at dinner with others. No one else seems to care, no one has commented, but to me it is nerve-jangling. How can I cure him without nagging?
—C.F., London SW3
A. Simply buy some new, excessively sharp knives for the home so that he will cut his tongue next time he indulges. This will teach him the lesson he needs to learn.
Q. I am 80 and male. When I stay in hotels, I like to go to their swimming pools, but my body is so hideous that I feel embarrassed. Can one buy one-piece male swimming costumes with tops? Or should I tell myself that nobody will care?
—Name and address withheld
A. People in swimming pools are mainly focused on their own bodies and, for competitive reasons, would prefer their fellow swimmers to have ‘worse’ bodies than their own. So, in displaying one’s (real or imaginary) defects, one is providing a type of social service. Defects are positively welcomed. However, should you still prefer to cover up, your best option is to buy a lightweight wetsuit, as worn on British surfing beaches. These have a flattering corseting effect and fellow swimmers will assume you are wearing it for the same reason surfers do — to keep out the cold.
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