Q. I am getting married next year and I read with interest your recent correspondence concerning public medal-wearing. I am a former Royal Auxiliary Air Force member and had hoped to wed in uniform. Sadly however, several years ago forces beyond my control meant I had to retire from the RAuxAF, and so I cannot now wear uniform, having returned it to Her Majesty. Could you ask your regimental adjutant friend what his views are on wearing my medals at such a very public celebration, please?
M.S., by email
A. I think the previous advice holds: ‘I would never wear medals when attending a funeral or memorial service. In fact, the only times I would wear medals in plain clothes are Remembrance Sunday, Black Sunday, and perhaps at some sort of national memorial event.’ Clearly he rules out wearing them at a wedding as well.
Q. With reference to your recent correspondence on the subject, may I make a suggestion regarding bringing good wine to a friend’s house, when you want to make sure that they open it, rather than putting it in a cupboard and serving you with their own plonk? Ring beforehand saying, ‘I would like to contribute some wine. What are you serving? I will bring something appropriate.’
H.B., Pencaitland, Scotland
A. You are right that in this way your hosts would be bound to open up. Indeed, you could even bring it pre-chambréd. However, despite money being in short supply at the moment, some hosts might be chippy at the implied insult so you must tread carefully.
Q. My daily also works part-time as a cleaner at a local hotel where she has picked up the habit of folding the front sheets of loo paper into a triangle and tucking them back into the roll. How can I let her know this simply isn’t done in an English country house? I am quite a timid person.
Name and address withheld
A. This problem is really too Pooterish. It would not be worth offending your daily by saying anything. Instead turn the situation to your advantage by apologising to guests in advance as you shepherd them towards your lavatories. By being seen to have indulged the practice, rather than outlawing it, you will de-stigmatise yourself, but also you will come across as a benign employer.
Q. My wonderful new PA lives in the cottage next to our house with her husband and baby daughter. We employed her during the winter and it had not occurred to me that she would invite her friends — with assorted toddlers, pushchairs, etc — to wander around our garden on sunny days. How can I tactfully persuade her to stay in her own (rather smaller) garden without sounding like the Selfish Giant?
Name and address withheld
A. Throw casually into the conversation at an appropriate moment the information that a friend of yours, who also employs an invaluable PA, has had to ask the PA and her friends not to come into her garden for legal reasons. ‘Apparently the garden becomes an extension of the workplace if you employ someone and if anyone is injured then you are responsible. Isn’t it pathetic?’ you can lament. ‘The awful thing is that it obviously applies to you as well. I’m so sorry but can we stick to the rules as we can’t afford to insure the garden.’
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