Q. Every summer, just when England is at its loveliest, we have to pack everything up and make a stressy journey to go and stay with someone who has a house abroad. I can understand people wanting to repay hospitality, but we really don’t care about cutlet for cutlet. More to the point, we have our own lovely garden and pool. Yet when someone invites you six or seven months ahead, how can you say no without hurting their feelings?
— Name and address withheld
A. Bare-faced honesty has done the trick for one popular but plain-speaking society figure who replies to such invitations: ‘Obviously we like you very much or we wouldn’t see so much of you. But the very best way to thank me for my hospitality is not to be cross when I say I’m so much happier staying at home.’
Q. For my birthday in June, a wealthy friend gave me a spa-day voucher. She said to tell her when I was going and she’d book the same day. But the voucher had expired in May. The spa said they would extend it until mid-August but my friend says she can’t go before then and is going to give them hell. What should I do?
— E.M., London W2
A.Having a spa day is not nearly so relaxing if you are tense from having to chat to a bully throughout the procedures. Go ahead and book a day and act daft when your friend comes back.
Q. I am a divorced father estranged from my two daughters for two and a half years. They do not contact me, even on my birthday or for Christmas, despite the fact that I remember their birthdays and provide Christmas largesse.
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