Q. While on holiday in the Middle East I contracted amoebic dysentery. Although it is an unpleasant condition, I am a bit overweight and the pounds have been dropping off. Do I go to the doctor or should I let the illness run its course and take advantage of the benefits that have arisen from my misfortune?
V.L., London E8
A. Serial dysenterics have not had satisfactory outcomes from allowing their condition to run unchecked. They report that although the weight loss can be gratifying, indeed it can be inspirational to see a ten-pound-lighter version of oneself, even if only for a few days, the internal disruption is not worth the very short-term gains. Bilious breath is enough to offset any gain of having a more svelte physique. What is more, lost weight is usually regained in a matter of days and dehydrated skin takes some time to lose its crêpey texture
Q. I am desperately poor since settling my tax bill on 31 January. I work a four-day week and have agreed a rate of £20 per hour to edit a friend’s book on two of my free days. I have subsequently been offered a lot of tutoring work which pays £35 per hour. As I only have limited time to take on this work outside my job, I can’t do both the book and the tutoring. I do not want to let my writer friend down but I stand to lose £1,680 over the next two months by sticking to my promise. What should I do, Mary?
M.B., London W11
A. Ask your friend if it is possible for you to suspend editing work until school exams are over, circa June. If she says no, then take the financial loss in good grace. It is always best to stick to what you have agreed to do. Most people in ultra-top jobs have got there through their reputations for not being flakey.
Q. A new woman has joined our group of early-morning swimmers at our local pool. She’s very nice and friendly but she will insist on singing in the shower. This is the time of day when I like to keep my head clear of troubling thoughts as I prepare to write my book, but her singing is driving me mad. It’s not that it’s out of tune; actually she does not have a bad voice, but she doesn’t know all the words of this folk tune she sings. And the singing intrudes on my private thoughts so that I emerge from the shower furious. Then, as I leave, she gives a friendly smile and wishes me goodbye, which only adds insult to injury. What can I do?
T.D., London SE5
A. This nuisance sounds like thoughtlessness rather than passive aggression. Use the following method to make this cheery swimmer aware that her early-morning exuberance is inappropriate. Bring a friend to the pool with you and orchestrate timing so that all three of you are showering simultaneously and side by side. During a pause in the singing, your friend should rap loudly on your cubicle door, using your name as she remonstrates. ‘Tiffany! Don’t you know that singing in the shower is totally antisocial first thing in the morning? It’s the most appalling invasion of mental privacy. No one likes it!’ At which point you can reply, ‘It’s not me.’ Smile in friendly but meaningful manner when the singer emerges from her cubicle.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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