Q. What should I do when other people in church begin clapping, for example following a confirmation service or a wedding? I cannot bring myself to endorse this terrible breach of etiquette by clapping myself, but it seems terribly pompous not to join in with the enthusiastic crowd.
Name and address withheld
A. Clapping is quite out of place in church but we must be thankful for the presence there of those who do not know this. Just act daft, as do those who do not wish to offer the sign of peace. Either kneel and pray or simply stare ahead with a silly look on your face. The moment soon passes.
Q. I have been invited to a wedding in Ireland. I have an aunt, who lives almost next door to the bride’s home, with whom I can stay for the weekend. Now other guests, finding there are no convenient hotels nearby, have begun to text and Facebook me asking if they can stay at my aunt’s house too. My aunt has some spare rooms but I just can’t ask her to put up hordes of strangers as well as myself. It is bound to make me unpopular with fellow guests if I turn out to be the only one staying conveniently nearby.
Name and address withheld
A. Ask your aunt whether any of her neighbours would be prepared to provide bed and breakfast on an informal basis. There is a shortage of money in Ireland at the moment. Not only will there be many willing takers but once your aunt computes how she could swell her own coffers with only 48 hours of disruption, she will probably want to bag some punters for herself.
Q. My active widowed father, soon 78 and with bags of charm and good looks, has been snagged by a widow who is causing my sister and me concern. She is an apparently accomplished lady in her own right — she holds an MBE. Yet we have recently discovered that she has purchased herself a bogus title and also has business cards naming herself as ‘Dame’. Furthermore, when she engineers for our father to appear in the society pages of the country in which she currently lives (not the UK), she ascribes to him a higher military rank than the one he actually achieved. Now she has announced that, without his knowing, she is going to nominate our father for an MBE himself. She says she knows ‘how to do things’ and can pull strings, but she requires us to write letters of support and approach those influential figures our father has the good fortune to know. Mary, our father did raise a certain amount of money for a cancer charity and we do adore him but we feel his true worth and effort would be somehow devalued by the fact that she wishes to ‘big them up’ so shamelessly. How can we proceed without wounding our father or entering the bad books of his new partner?
Name and address withheld
A. Quickly set an MBE application in motion yourself, also without his knowing and without the involvement of the widow. Then you can quite honestly tell her that you have learned that a nomination has already been put forward by someone who wishes to remain anonymous and that you have been advised that any further pushing would not be helpful and might stall a quick result. Nod and wink and refuse to be drawn on the issue.
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