Q. I am one of eight retired golfers who once a week enjoy a sociable but not too serious game on our local course. Recently the wife of one of our group has taken to joining us and, although we are all good friends, we would prefer the weekly game to remain an all-male affair. To make it worse, the golfing wife is very competitive and is usually better than the rest of us. We do not want to sour relationships in what has become a very happy group. Can you suggest a good solution?
– P.B., by email
A. Collude with the others to build up your admiring responses to the wife’s golfing prowess. Gasps of admiration and open envy should be freely expressed. This will pave the way to insisting that she must leave your group and join another more suited to her abilities, since she is obviously way out of your league.
Q. My wife and I recently decided after considerable agonising to move our children from their inner London state primary school to a (none too grand) prep school a couple of miles away. The problem we have is that many of our neighbours are right-thinking folk (in other words, lefties), to whom capitalism in general, and private education in particular, is a cause of grave personal offence. My wife was accosted in the park this morning by a normally kind and friendly neighbour (whose husband is a state school teacher), who subjected her to a long series of hostile questions about our reasons for moving to the independent sector. What is an appropriate response to make light of such intrusive questioning, without causing offence or harming good neighbourly relations?
– T.G., London
A. The Middleton family had an antecedent who set up a trust to pay for private education for his descendants. In other words they had no choice but to use the money for this purpose. Many people, if they look hard enough into their heritage, can find an antecedent who would have approved of money being channelled in this direction. Should this be the case for your family, you can then respond to the accusations of betrayal by saying ‘to be frank, it is out of my hands. It was family money, designated for that purpose.’
Q. I have recently been ennobled. My problem is that I sometimes sit next to people at dinner who, when they find out that I now spend my days at the House of Lords, begin to list their own good works and are clearly very put out that they have not been elevated themselves. How should I respond to the unspoken outrage, namely, ‘What have you done to deserve it?’
– Name withheld
A. As you break the news, quickly qualify it by saying, ‘Oh yes, it was a surprise to me too — but these days they take all sorts.’
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