Q. One of my neighbours displays the most extraordinary behaviour when I go to dinner. When the guests arrive they are not offered a drink, even a soft one, for at least 15 minutes. He then pours one bottle of wine into tiny glasses. He later replenishes his own glass at the expense of his guests’. The other night, no wine whatsoever was offered with our first course. Later, a small amount of red appeared, in a decanter. There were no refills until the very end of the meal, when he poured himself, and one other male, a full glass. This has happened so often in the last 20 years that I would like to teach him a lesson. He has little sense of humour, so a jokey reprimand would not work. (My neighbours, and my ex-husband, have noticed his keenness to accept refills when out.) What do you suggest? I could sit with an empty glass on my head next time I go there, but would that make me look like a greedy and mad alcoholic?
E.S., Sussex
A. It could be that, for various reasons, the man in question does not want his party to go with a swing. Alternatively, he may enjoy the control-freak or sadistic aspect of withholding drink from his guests. Next time, take a bag with three bottles of screw-top wine swathed in clothing to prevent clanking. Leave this bag in a downstairs loo and discreetly inform your fellow guests that they are welcome to follow your lead in quietly topping up their tiny glasses (once the first 50ml has been trickled into them). It will do no harm if your host becomes aware of an almost continuous stream of lavatory traffic. Indeed, it is almost desirable that he should uncover the cache. He will then have to ask himself why it has been necessary to install a rival dispensing facility.
Comments
Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just $5 for 3 monthsAlready a subscriber? Log in