Q. How can I tell a new young colleague that he needs to wash? He and I share an office and he is exceptionally nice but the smell in our shared quarters is sickening. What do you advise?
— E.C., Oxford
A. Try this method which has resolved the same problem for others. Say to the youth, ‘I am going to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest, even if you think it may hurt my feelings. do I smell?’ When he says no, say excitedly, ‘Phew! It’s not me then. But haven’t you noticed there is a terrible smell in our room? If it is not me then it must be you!’ Move closer to him as though to check, then recoil crying ‘it is!’ in the satisfied manner of someone who has solved a riddle rather than someone who is revolted. Immediately equalise matters by suggesting that you too sometimes have the same problem. Say, ‘I will promise to always tell you if you need to wash, but only if you swear that you will always tell me.’
Q. Any suggestions for when a dog jumps up and ladders your new tights (Wolford, £19) but its owner does not notice? I don’t think these people should get away scot-free.
— M.S., london W14
A. Hug and pat the dog protectively while beseeching the owner, ‘Please don’t be angry with him, he didn’t mean to do it.’ Do this till it sinks in.
Q. A friend who comes to stay with me in London never seems to carry cash and invariably borrows small sums from me. She is a good sort but vague, and she never pays me back. It all mounts up, so can you suggest how I can refuse next time without seeming petty or bitter?
— A.C., London W8
A. Have some £50 notes at the ready and insist on lending her one of those saying that you would much rather lend £50 than £5 since it is so much easier for the borrower to remember to pay the larger sum back. Say, ‘Don’t worry. I will pin up a reminder in the hall that you owe me £50. That way neither of us can forget.’ Faced with the prospect of all your other guests seeing this declaration of debt on constant display, your friend will make a more concerted effort to visit the bank hatch and repay you.
Q. How can I train my children to want to write thank-you letters? They are 12 and 10 and I would love them to do it without my nagging them.
—A.O., London W11
A. Conspire with the mother of some smaller local children and arrange a thank-you letter-writing session with all sitting round a table with pen and paper and your children ‘tutoring’ the younger ones on the joys of writing to thank as well as the necessity of it. As they moralise they will inadvertently drive the same message into their own little heads.
Comments