Q. I arranged to meet my son at King’s Cross to hand over some camping equipment for him to take to the Secret Garden festival. I planned to go by Tube (from Balham) but the load was heavy. I justified the ordering of an expensive minicab by the thought that I could work in the back seat on some admin. Instead, my driver struck up a conversation and, engaging though I found him, it meant those vital minutes (30) which could have been so productive were lost. How should a passenger cap a driver’s flow without being impolite or hurtful?
J.F., Balham, London
A. Text a friend to call you ASAP. Answer saying, ‘I’m so sorry. I will have to call you back.’ Turn to the driver saying, ‘Oh dear. Someone is hassling me. Will you excuse me while I get on with something I am supposed to have done?’ You can then guiltlessly put your head down to deal with the admin.
Q. When wine served at supper is poison, how do you manage to get the bottle you have brought with you as an offering put onto the table as well? The other night I brought a light burgundy to some friends. It would have been ideal to drink with the basically Mexican food they were serving with an unsuitable Pinot Grigio, but my host just thanked me and put it in a cupboard.
Name and address withheld
A. You might take a tip from a Notting Hill wine snob who, despite opening his own wine at most events, maintains his popularity. When challenged, he replies that he is ‘reviewing’ the wine for his internet wine blog — readership figures unknown. However, the realistic answer is that most people over 30 do not expect their guests to bring wine unless it has been discussed, and even if your hosts have made a bad choice, you must gamely go along with drinking a small quantity of it.
Q. My daughter, aged 22, recently attended a party at a family schloss in Germany where she was struck by how well-mannered, well-groomed, and attractive were her fellow (German) guests; how immaculate their English. They danced until dawn, and still breezed into the next day’s luncheon with remarkable good humour and sociability. She was struck by the generous, yet formal, hospitality that seemed to bring out the best in everyone. Unfortunately, it occurred to her how ill prepared she was for such a different sort of social occasion despite having been to many a grand and extravagant 21st in England. She would have preferred to know in advance what the form was. How, therefore, can we ‘educate’ our poor young darlings in the ways and wherefores of continental dress and dance routines without having to send them off to finishing school, so they get maximum benefit from every invitation, whether to Bavaria or Buenos Aires?
N.M., Oxford
A. A ‘pushy’, yet well-meaning German mother of English-educated boys found floundering at one such occasion cured the problem by renting for two weeks a summer house in Bavaria, with all facilities including a party room/barn. To this she invited a multicultural, multilingual bunch of 18- to 23-year-olds from all over Europe. Then she brought in the dance tutor, the cook and the contacts. Daily they prepared the food together (under instruction), laid the tables (under guidance) and learnt to dance and play games and made a visit to the opera. They are now seen partying on both sides of the Channel with equal ease.
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