Q. Friends have just moved into a new house — let’s call it Gamekeepers Folly. I am planning to give them a handmade visitors’ book as a present, but am in somewhat of a quandary as to what to tell the embosser to put on the front. Should I have the missing apostrophe inserted or not? The official records do not have it. My friends are well-educated people but I have not yet had their new notepaper so do not know if they have picked up the point. And if so, should I assume there was only one (‘Gamekeeper’), or several?
— Name withheld, Shaftesbury
A. If it really were called ‘Gamekeeper’s Folly’ then the apostrophe would go before the ‘s’. However you have not revealed the true name of the house. There are addresses where incorrect grammar has, through long misuse, become correct, but you cannot assume this is one of them. Put yourself out of the picture by leaving it to the bookbinder to telephone the enquiry about the required spelling. A professional would be at liberty to press for accuracy without seeming to be scoring points — something you appear worried about.
Q. I recently wrote a piece of polemic for a mainstream daily broadsheet. To my dismay, the sub-editors replaced ‘might’ with ‘may’ all the way through. I feel that writing to the editor or the Letters page would only make me look Pooterish. How, having been traduced in this way, can I continue to hold my head up in the company of educated people?
— R.H., address withheld
A. Enlist the help of an academic friend, ideally an English don, who will write to the editor to express his amazement that someone of the standing of R.H. should have betrayed the English language by adopting this odious misusage. He could make the point that immigrants cannot be expected to learn our language if it is not fastidiously presented in the mainstream media. Could the editor reassure the don that R.H. will not be used again as a commentator until he can learn correct English? The editor will forward the letter to you, at which point you can clear your name and demand reprisals.
Q. My four sisters and I were brought up in a large house in Scotland. Over the years we all gradually moved down to London. Now, one by one, all our parents’ faithful retainers are dying, at the rate of about one a month. As fond as I am of all of these people, I cannot afford to go to each funeral and can see at least three looming this winter. What should I do?
— Name and address withheld
A. Work out a rota with your three sisters that you will take it in turns to go to the funerals. As long as one of you is there to represent your family, the bereaved will be assured of the full family’s loyalty and sympathy.
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