Q. I love my husband but, when we go out together to parties, I often hear him saying things which both of us know are not true and which he is clearly saying just for effect or to keep the conversation moving along with no thought to the consequences of his talking such nonsense. I do not want us to turn into one of those couples who constantly contradict each other’s stories — that would be so boring. Whenever I upbraid him on the way home he always says, ‘Oh don’t worry about it. No one listens to what anyone else says at parties. Even if they did they wouldn’t have taken me seriously.’ I find it very frustrating. Any suggestions, Mary?
C.B., London SW11
A. You are not the only woman to suffer from this annoyance. Next time you hear your husband talk nonsense, sigh humorously as you say to his interlocutor ‘TOIT’. ‘TOIT? What does that mean?’ you will be asked. ‘Oh sorry, don’t you know? TOIT is wives’ code for The Opposite Is True. It’s what women say to each other at parties when they hear their husbands say things they don’t really mean.’ You will get instant support from all other women within earshot. Keep using ‘TOIT’ until your husband has learned his lesson.
Q. The council of a small charity gave, or intended to give, several presents to its honorary president on the occasion of his 90th birthday. These were to be delivered by a relative about nine months ago but no acknowledgement or thanks has ever been received. The old gentleman concerned is extremely polite and punctilious in replying to correspondence etc, and while there is no suggestion that the relative deliberately failed to make the delivery (anyway the presents were of little pecuniary value), the council members are anxious to ascertain whether the presents ever reached the intended recipient. How should they go about this without upsetting him or offending the relative?
A member of the council, address withheld
A. You can get to the bottom of this riddle in the following way. Have a relevant photograph from the charity’s archive framed at nugatory cost. Then ring the relative. Say you have another fragile item for the honorary president. Any chance of it being delivered by hand in the near future? How is the Hon Pres? How did the last visit go? If the relative does not take this opportunity to tell you how the present-going went down then say pleasantly, ‘Oh, do tell us whether he liked the presents for his 90th?! We never heard a word.’
Q. Regarding that ‘pug poo’ — now that the weather is better. Taking a white chalk, attaching it firmly to the end of a walking stick and circling the poo a few times, might alert W8’s neighbour.
P.C., London SW3
A. Thank you for this thoughtful tip in response to a February query about one selfish pug-owning resident of an otherwise pristine street in London’s Kensington.
Q. With regard to the genuine concerns about patient confidentiality and the NHS ‘spine’, may I suggest your readers go to the website www.thebigoptout.com where there is a lot of useful guidance, including how to opt out.
D.T., by email
A. Thank you for directing readers to this site.
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