Q. Last week I gave lunch to my dear goddaughter and her equally dear mother in a fashionable restaurant. Both my goddaughter and I were rendered speechless when her mother produced a plastic bottle of water from her handbag and commenced to swig from it. The situation was quickly remedied when we both upbraided her soundly and water was obtained from the management. My question is: what should we have done if we had not been in a position to be so frank with the swigger, given the live-forever industry’s continued insistence on the constant public overconsumption of this fluid?
J.S., Goring Heath
A. You would have calmly said to the offender, ‘Do let me have your water’, then decanted it into a glass without further ado. Fortunately the fashion for overconsumption of water has already peaked — it has been discredited as a health boon. As for drinking straight from a squeezable plastic bottle — it may take longer before we see an end to this trend. The spurting means of delivery has too many resonances with breast-feeding and it may take some time before our infantalised population can be weaned off the habit.
Q. How should I react, as a senior citizen, when an employee of my Traveller’s Club, whom I have never met, addresses me, uninvited, by my first name? Am I right to be slightly taken aback?
E.B., Bromley, Kent
A. I assume you cannot be talking about the very civilised Travellers Club in Pall Mall, where such practices would not be tolerated. You should nip this problem in the bud by going to the club secretary and asking him or her to deal with the discourtesy directly.
Q. Due to a misunderstanding, the people with whom I am supposed to share a flat at university have given my room away and I have nowhere to live this term. I am going to be able to sofa-surf for a couple of weeks but after that I will be desperate because I cannot afford to rent a flat on my own. May I have your suggestions urgently, Mary?
A.T., Edinburgh
A. If you are a reasonably respectable figure, you may be able to find accommodation with an elderly person who lives alone in a centrally located spacious property; someone who is well enough not to need to go into a nursing home but who needs an able-bodied young person about the house to perform tasks such as carrying heavy shopping, bringing logs upstairs and walking dogs. Often a room will be available free of charge for the youth prepared to perform these tasks. Why not advertise your services on Gumtree?
Q. I have just lost my job and was really quite pleased about it since I will be getting a pay-off and I want to do some travelling. However, what is making me depressed is the number of friends who ring up and tell me I am sounding really depressed. I don’t want to get into a situation where I seem as though I am protesting too much. How should I respond?
Name and address withheld
A. Prevent the nuisance by using a tried and tested technique for conveying cheeriness over the telephone. When it rings, walk towards it with a fixed grin on your face. Keep the grin on for as long as possible. You will soon see an end to the nuisance as callers remark on how happy you sound.
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