Q. I wonder if you can give me some advice. My parents have agreed I can have 20 people to a party in our house in Balham. I am 16 but very responsible so they agreed to go out between 7 p.m. and 11 when the party is taking place, though they would only go somewhere a few minutes away so they could come back in an emergency. The problem is that now they have found out that all their friends who live in Balham will be out on the night of the party and my father is diabetic, so he doesn’t like to eat later than seven. He does not want to sit in a restaurant for three and a half hours waiting until it is time to come back again. What do you suggest, Mary?
B.F., London SW12
A. Now that most hotels have been ‘poncified’, your parents will easily find a local one to which they can repair while your party is taking place. They can have dinner there, then read or watch television in the communal lounging area until it is time to return. If money is no object, they can pay as little as £110 for a perfectly acceptable room in which they can sprawl watching television, soak in the bath or send emails. They may even be able to negotiate reduced rates for not using the bed. They will return from their exile refreshed.
Q. I have had the same cleaner for 20 years. She comes three mornings a week and is very efficient. In the past, I was always on the school run for two of the three hours that she is in the house for, so we didn’t see that much of each other. Now my three daughters all go to the same school and go on the school bus. This means that I am at home at the same time as my cleaner and she tends to follow me from room to room chatting. It is not that I mind the fact that she is not cleaning while she is chatting, it is more that I have things to do that require concentration. How can I kindly discourage her from chatting to me so much?
F.P., Shaftesbury, Dorset
A. As she arrives each morning, ask would she be kind enough to answer the telephone and only disturb you if it is one of the children. Say you are going to your bedroom for some quiet time — to read for your book club, to have a power nap, to do yoga — whatever excuse would be most plausible in your situation. In this way your cleaner will feel she has the status of gatekeeper and can still get some chatting in as she fields calls from your friends. Meanwhile you will have turned the situation to your advantage by forcing yourself to have the quiet time most mothers are starved of.
A. With reference to your recent correspondence about funerals and memorial services, I have attended a number of these recently and note a certain predictability about the hymns chosen. The menu rarely varies from ‘Dear Lord and Father of Mankind’, ‘I Vow to Thee My Country’ and ‘Jerusalem’. While these hymns are rousing and good for showing one has no interest in multiculturalism, I feel it would be nice to ring the changes occasionally. For those readers planning send-offs, may I suggest some equally affecting hymns as alternatives namely ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’: ‘Love Divine All Loves Excelling’ and ‘The Old Hundredth’ ?
G.W., Pewsey, Wiltshire
A. Thank you for making this suggestion.
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