Q. Several years ago I had a well-respected broadsheet editor to stay for the weekend. The house party included another friend who has since become a rising star in the world of politics. Last Sunday, as I leafed my way through the newspapers, I almost choked on my breakfast cereal when I saw a large photograph which included the editor, the politician, myself and assorted guests. I have since discovered that several other photographs, taken during this private house party, have appeared in the public domain. As I consider them to be friends, how should I express my disapproval to the former editor? And should I invite them back?
R.D., County Antrim
A. Mete out the following punishment. Email the editor’s oldest friends asking if any of them have photographs of him in the days when he was either a) local rep of the Campaign for Real Ale while a boy at Eton or b) a busy canvasser for the Slough Liberal Party? Once in possession of this embarrassing archive material, you will find other editors only too happy to disseminate it. Meanwhile I understand a muddle led to this uncharacteristic offence being committed so you can feel free to invite the editor back. You can express your disapproval, however, when issuing the invitation. Unnerve him with a verbal codicil delivered in non-jokey tones. ‘By the way — do you mind not bringing a camera? We’ve sold exclusive rights to the house party to Hello!’. Then stay silent while they bluster.
Q. We are lucky enough to live on a large estate well known for its excellent hunting. Although we do not hunt ourselves, we like to contribute by giving a lawn meet which always seems to prove popular, and this year was enhanced by a visiting pack from the South. Earlier in the season one of our fellow tenants, a very sociable fellow, planned on doing the same, but unfortunately the weather caused its cancellation. Consequently several trays of sausage rolls went into his deep-freeze and he generously offered to produce them at our meet. However, when the Master said a few words of thanks for the sumptuous feast, he thanked the sausage roll providers rather than us! As I had broken the record for the amount spent at our local supermarket to entertain the legions of mounted and foot followers, I feel somewhat aggrieved and wonder how you would suggest I should have made it clear who was giving the party?
E. M-B, North Yorkshire
A.This unintentional discourtesy could be made good by a member of the visiting hunt posting a letter on both hunts’ websites giving a description of the day preceded by a fulsome appreciation of your own largesse. Collude with a third party to prompt one of the visiting members into penning such a letter. Indeed your third party can even offer a ghosted letter to which the visiting hunt member need only put his or her name. Having thanked yourself in the letter for providing the spectacular venue, you can go on to supply a slavering 200-word description of the foodstuffs and alcoholic refreshments on offer finishing off with a brief nod to your neighbour ‘and not forgetting the sausage rolls supplied by his neighbour Mr Bloggs’. In this way you can discreetly set the record straight.
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