Dear Mary | 7 May 2011

Q. A friend of ours went with his nephew to a funeral. The nephew is an absolute maniac driver. They flew up to Scotland and all the way our friend was terrified because the nephew was renting a car at the airport and then proposed to drive 50 miles. What to do? Just as the nephew was paying for the car, our friend asked to be added as a driver because he was thinking of buying the same model and could think of no better time to do a test drive! Problem solved. —D.P., by email

A. Indeed. How considerate of you to share this solution with readers.

Q. Consanguinity obliges me to extend hospitality to a relative of my wife’s, and thus somewhat reluctantly I include him once a month on our dinner list. The man in question seems to have no understanding of dress codes and at the gong is as likely to present himself in a lounge suit as in a club blazer. On one occasion he even appeared in the dining room wearing a brown suit. His informality causes me immense embarrassment in front of my other guests, but repeated hints fall on deaf ears. What can I do?

—F.M. Azcochinga, Argentina

A. Clearly the poor fellow is trying to compensate for some inadequacy. Why not boost his self-esteem by giving a dinner in his honour and inviting him to set the dress code? Explain that once he has decreed that it should be, say, brown suits, you can alert the other guests and ask them to indulge the eccentricity on this occasion. This kindness will allow you to debate the painful topic in a non-accusatory manner. Perhaps he does not realise that one of the points of dress codes is to reduce self-consciousness and enable guests to concentrate on cerebral matters? It is the thinking behind school uniforms.