Q. I share a student house with three others. My room is next to the kitchen and one of my housemates often eats lunch while surfing the net on my MacBook. Some of the keys have been gunked up with the effluent and spores from his meals but he is the landlord and I don’t really pay a market rate, but neither can I afford a new computer. Any suggestions?
Name and address withheld
A. Dissuade him from eating al desko by Sellotaping a piece of rotten fish to the underside of the laptop table. Explain that a general accumulation of your landlord’s food in the keyboard has caused the disgusting smell. Remain passive while your other flatmates express revulsion. When you go away for the weekend announce you are going to have the keyboard flushed out at great expense. Remove the fish at this time. When you return say, ‘Well, that cost a fortune so I’m going to have to impose a blanket ban. No one is allowed to eat at my laptop again.’
Q. Our wonderful home help from the Philippines, who has visited us twice a week for 18 years, appears to have declining eyesight, as she now often leaves grease marks on the ironing. She would be mortified if we commented. How can we bring this to her attention without causing an upset?
A.R., London W8
A. Your help may be unable to afford glasses. She may equally be nervous that a trip to the optician will elicit personal details that could be forwarded to bossy government agencies. She may also be in denial. Book and pre-pay for an eye test for yourself at a local optician for one of the days she comes to you.
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