Q. My very green sister-in-law delivered Christmas presents to our children this year by taking a train to our local station then cycling five miles from the station with the presents on her back in a jute bag. Each one was wrapped, not in paper but in cloths, which she asked me to retain, suggesting I use them to wrap her own children’s presents for Christmas 2010. This made me feel bad since the week before I had already delivered (by car) presents to her children in traditional ‘toxic’ non-biodegradable wrapping paper. I also find it slightly oppressive to have to think about these eco-friendly wrapping cloths for a further year before I can get rid of them. What are the rules on wrapping paper, Mary? Is it now a breach of etiquette to use traditional paper?
Name and address withheld
A. The rules are that as traditional wrapping paper has turned out to be very eco-unfriendly and does not break down at the dumps, presents in this paper should preferably be wrapped with ribbon or string, not sellotape, so it too can be ironed and recycled. However, your sister-in-law’s green-ness has a whiff of theatricality about it. Being a stage green and trying to wrong-foot others, especially during the season of goodwill, is in itself a breach of etiquette.
Q. Someone hacked into my computer and sent an email to everyone in my address book. The email appeared to come from me and had words to the effect of ‘I recently found a very good site whose products are cheap. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.’ It then gave a link to this site. This unleashed a tsunami of old friends emailing me saying, ‘A bit baffled by your email but great to hear from you. Let’s meet up.’ My problem is that some of these people are not my everyday friends. I do like them but have not got time to see them. How can I politely decline?
Name and address withheld
A. First take advice about whether you should change your email address. Email (individually) everyone in your address book announcing that you are very sorry about the nuisance and advising them not to click on the link. You must not email in such a way that the entire contents of your address book scrolls down for all to see. To current friends, reassure them either that your old email address is still valid or acquaint them with details of your new. To the people you have no time to see again, add that you are taking advice as to whether you should change your email address or not and, for security reasons, they should wait to hear from you again before using the old address. Time and tide will soon take them over and they too (even though they like you) will feel happier about leaving it another five years before they even think of making contact.
Q. How can I make my teenagers write thank-you letters without having a blazing row and spoiling the atmosphere of Christmas?
T.P., Romsey
A. Supply them on Boxing Day with clipboards, envelopes, paper, stamps and pens. Set them a target of five letters a day and refuse them food and/or alcohol until they have met this target. They must learn the brutal way that their parents’ carefully crafted social network should not be compromised by their own discourtesy and arrogance.
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