Dear Mary: how can I stop shrieking women from ruining my dinner?

Q. Two American clients, with whom I have bonded on a personal level, rang me to say they were coming over to London for a few days. They asked me to book ‘somewhere really special’ so they could treat me and thank me for a particular thing I had done for them. They liked my suggestion of a top Chinese in Mayfair and we ordered Peking Duck – (which needs three days’ notice). We were all looking forward to visiting this elegant and highly rated restaurant. Unfortunately, on the night there was a really noisy table adjacent to ours. Its mainly female occupants were overloud and bumptious and shrieking with laughter. There were six of them and three of us. I felt devastated that they were sabotaging the treat my very civilised clients had planned for us. The waiters were aware – but what could they do? There were no free tables to switch us to.

– P.R., London W1

A. A certain type of female voice, repeatedly shrieking, is in the same decibel range as a baby crying and induces the same sense of alarm and discomfort. This sort of group behaviour is quasi-subconsciously aiming to dominate their territory, and quite inappropriate in a restaurant. It’s like shouting in a library. It is up to the restaurant to ask them to please keep the volume down – without referring to any table that might have complained. If management was hesitant, you might have used an on-demand service like Zapp to send a courier to the table with an envelope containing the message ‘Your table is too noisy.’ The anonymity of the sender would have unnerved them enough to shut them up.

Q. Recently we’ve been invited by text to opera and polo (two separate invitations from different people). We accepted and then received texts saying, ‘Great, the tickets are £350 each.’