Q. I travel internationally two or three times per month for work, often with one or two colleagues. While the working day and the evenings inevitably involve prolonged contact with these colleagues, at breakfast-time I wish for a little ‘alone time’ to eat and read the paper, without company, but also without remaining in my soulless hotel room. How can one most tactfully ensure that one is left alone, while still taking breakfast in the hotel dining room?
— J.B., Earlsfield, London
A. Why not sidestep the problem by asking your colleagues, the night before, what time they are planning to go down to breakfast. If they say seven, then you go at either six or eight. Later you can say, ‘Sorry, I was awake really early’, or ‘Sorry, I overslept’. You may alternatively claim to be learning Latin or reading War and Peace and have worked out that breakfast is the only time you can make any progress. Tell them cheerfully that you will therefore be sitting separately from them, much as you crave their company. They will probably be thrilled. They may even jump at the chance to suggest that everyone has breakfast separately and gets on with private reading.
Q. I happen to know that skunk and ketamine are really bad for you but my friends at university don’t believe it. How can I furnish them with the actual facts about brain and bladder damage without them just switching off and refusing to listen and starting to keep quiet about their habits?
— Name and address withheld
A. Get the ‘coolest’ person you know to email you links to websites such as www.talkingaboutcannabis.com and www.drugabuse.gov). Lull your friends into a false sense of security and while they are relaxing open your emails and read out key alarming nuggets. Say, for example, ‘I don’t know why he keeps emailing me. He knows I don’t take them but — listen to this! Ketamine causes permanent bladder damage.’
Q. A dear friend who does not work, is a bachelor without children, and who has never had a girlfriend, regularly invites me to have lunch with him in his house one hour away from me in the country. He does not realise that I have a novel to finish and I really cannot give him any time for about six weeks. How can I stay in touch with him but avoid having lunch or dinner or being distracted from my goal without hurting his feelings?
— Name and address withheld
A. Ring him saying with great enthusiasm, ‘Please will you get your diary out. I simply cannot go on unless we pencil in a definite meeting that I can look forward to or I just won’t be able to get through the next six weeks. A really good lunch with you would be a light at the end of the tunnel for me to aim at.’
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