Q. I have three spare bedrooms in London and I welcome friends to come and stay. Unfortunately, some of these frequent visitors seem never to have been taught how to wash up. They think they are being helpful by seizing on things that are too big for the machine, running the hot tap continuously over them without a plug in the sink, and then leaving these sudsy pans and serving dishes to dry on the draining board. I find the waste of water maddening, ditto the lack of rinsing. How do I get people to adopt the traditional two-sinks method without seeming queeny?
— Name withheld, London SW3
A. Confuse the would-be helpers by stacking the washing up somewhere unexpected — on a trolley, for example. When they ask ‘Can I tackle this trolley-load?’, say ‘Oh no, I love washing up myself… it’s so relaxing. But if you’d really like to help, you can read aloud to me while I do it.’ Get some real benefit by requiring that they read out some deadly dull Terms and Conditions that you would never get around to scrutinising on your own.
Q. Last week you asserted that all guests are served simultaneously at royal and other banquets. May I take you to task, Mary, as this is incorrect.
— Name and address withheld
A. I do apologise for the lapse. Of course there would not be physical room for as many servants as guests. I meant to say ‘more or less simultaneously’.
Q. Like A.B. of W8 last week, I too have a problem with disconnecting phone calls. I live in a very big house and I may be on the top floor or in my garden but my answering service kicks in after only eight rings — apparently this can’t be extended.
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