Q. My literary agent has failed to return my emails and phone calls and it has been six weeks since we last talked. I don’t want to appear desperate but all I think about each day is — is my book going to be published, or not? Any suggestions? — Name and address withheld
A. A little research on your agent’s website will reveal publication dates of forthcoming books by his other clients. Attend the launch party of one of these. In this way you can stage a casual encounter with your agent and make progress inquiries in a dignified manner. Meanwhile, other writers about to submit manuscripts will benefit from this helpful advice supplied by the literary agent Caroline Dawnay: ‘Be sure to ask your agent in the first place what the strategy is going to be about the offering of a book to publishers. This will habitually involve a single or multiple submission, to a deadline. British publishers, unlike American ones, are very bad about these deadlines and need chasing often enough. But an author ought to know when the deadline is set for, and what the plan is after that. My authors know, I hope, that if they don’t hear from me it is because there is nothing yet to tell them. I would never mind them chasing me to find out. But normally I would get back to them to say where we were up to. To summarise: work out a deadline for a submission with your agent, and once the date is passed, find out (a quick email) what is the news if anything, then what the next plan is.’
Q. I have a big crush on someone I often see in a work context. We stayed in the same house over the bank holiday and really bonded — but he did not try to kiss me. I know there is nothing wrong with the way I look, so how can I discreetly find out what it is about me that might be putting him off? We are both 29.
— Name and address withheld
A. For both cultural and chemical reasons, civilised men of 29 no longer make the first physical overture. They wait for the girl to do it. You may lunge yourself, or make it clear verbally that, were he to lunge, his bid would be successful. The best house parties now factor in traditional after-dinner dancing. Shy breeders are emboldened when they can sense that the young woman whose body is pinioned against their own would welcome fuller intimacy.
Q. How can I deal with the man who sits opposite me at work and sniffs constantly?
— J.I., London SW3
A. Place a multi-pack box of tissues on your desk. Pretend to blow your nose every so often. Then say pleasantly, ‘Oh, I’m so glad you’re sniffing too. I know I must be driving everyone mad but now there’s two of us. Hay fever? Here, have one of these boxes.’
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