Patrick West

Don’t mourn the end of the Apostrophe Protection Society

To the undoubted dismay of pedants worldwide, it seems the war against the misplaced, omitted or unwanted apostrophe has been lost. The Apostrophe Protection Society, founded in 2001 to campaign for the proper use of the punctuation mark, is no more. Its founder, John Richards, 96, declared at the weekend that he was ending his crusade. Or, rather, surrendering. ‘With regret I have to announce that after some 18 years, I have decided to close the Apostrophe Protection Society,’ he declared on his website. ‘We, and our many supporters worldwide, have done our best but the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won!’

There have always been types who believe the wrong usage of an apostrophe is indicative of a society in which standards are slipping and civilisation itself is in decline. ‘The so-called “greengrocer’s apostrophe”’, observed The Spectator’s Sam Leith in Write To The Point ‘is great nourishment to the outrage of sticklers.’ Mr Richards used to get fifty letters and emails a week from furious types deploring the misuse of the apostrophe, citing everyday horrors such as ‘No dog’s’, ‘Tiles, toilets, tool’s’ and ‘Chicken’s and egg’s’.

The closure of the Apostrophe Protection Society will only confirm their suspicion that we are all going to hell in a handcart. The barbarians have truly stormed the gates, armed to the teeth with their carrot’s, cocktail’s and book’s from Waterstones.

Of course, there is a time and a place for the correct usage of the apostrophe, to indicate missing letters (‘he’s a greengrocer’) or ownership (‘Mark’s house’). Everyone should be taught this at school, because correct English usage matters in civic life, not least when you are applying for a job. Incorrect English is interpreted as a sign of laziness or stupidity. Hell, your potential employer might even be fussy about split infinitives or sentences ending in prepositions, so it’s important that you don’t necessarily make any mistakes or transgressions on your job application.

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