Lucy Vickery

Double dactylic

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In Competition No. 3026 you were invited to submit topical double dactyls.

The double dactyl was dreamed up in 1951 by the poet Anthony Hecht and the classical scholar Paul Pascal. My well-thumbed copy of Jiggery-Pokery, a wonderful 1967 compendium of the form edited by Hecht and the poet John Hollander, reveals with pride that Auden (to whom the book is dedicated) used the form ‘thrice’ for the choruses in his Aesopian playlets Moralities.

Double dactyls always go down well, and this comp elicited an entertaining parade of double dactylic notables — and pursuits egomaniacal, unoligarchical, prosecutorial, heterosexual, philoprogenitive…

The winners earn £15 each.

Foggily-froggily

Michel B. Barnier,

Consummate bureaucrat,

Raises the price,

Crushing the will of our

Flummoxed and browbeaten

Plenipotentiaries

Held in his vice.

Hugh King

Higgledy piggledy

Pastuso Paddington

gets himself banged up in

Pentonville gaol.

Even the lairiest

anarctophiliac

joins in the whip-round for

Paddington’s bail.

Nick MacKinnon

Mopily-ropily,

Manchester’s Morrissey

Goes back to crooning, his

Novel a fail.

Hoping his audience,

Hari-kiristically,

Still want to hear a man

Tunelessly wail.

Adrian Fry

Biffety-boffety

Anthony Joshua

Heavyweight champion

Top of the pile;

Talks of his legacy

Hyperbolistically;

Nemesis listens and

Smiles a slow smile.

W.J. Webster

Doubly-Dactylly

Benedict Cumberbatch,

Won’t you indulge in a

Three-in-bed romp?

While you’re behaving so

Uncontroversially

I have got nothing to

Mock in this comp.

George Simmers

Yummily, mummily,

Catherine Middleton’s

Pregnant again to the

Rapture of Wills.

I’d be as lavishly

Philoprogenitive

If I could stretch to the

Nursery bills.

Rob Stuart

Hoitety-Toitety

Emily Thornberry,

Feminist lawyer and

Labour MP,

Speaks with a manner quite

Aristocratical

Save when men style her as

Lady Nugee.

Joseph Conlon

Taxily, maxily,

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Gave the inheritance

Levy a hitch.

Trump says ‘Repeal it! Our

Agroindustrial

Future depends on my

Kids staying rich!’

Rob Hirst

Limberly, Kimberly,

Khloé Kardashian,

Kourtney, and Robbie seem

Destined for Fame’s

Roster, since they all have

(Double-dactylically

Speaking) stupendously

Talented names.

Frank Osen

Higgledy piggledy,

Ludwig van Beethoven,

if he could glimpse what our

world has become,

likely would find a new

applicability

for his immortal phrase:

dum dum dum DUM!

Robert Schechter

Nobody-joebody

George Papadopoulos,

‘Fetcher of coffee’ the

Trumpists have said,

Incontrovertibly

Met with the Russians, so

Maybe Trump sent him for

Vodka instead.

Max Gutmann

No. 3029: best foot forward

You are invited to provide a new year’s resolution (or more than one, if you like) in verse. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 27 December.