Down-turn Abbey, the movie

Down-turn Abbey, the movie
Text settings

A brief flurry of excitement in Guardian-land over the festive period as the news trickles out about who might be cast in Dreamworks' silver-screen adaptation of the paper's turbulent love-in with Julian Assange and subsequent fall out with the Wikileaks chief.

Benedict Cumberbatch will play the reclusive protagonist, but enter stage (liberal) left Dan Stevens, who was last seen with blood pouring out of his ear on Christmas Day after being clumsily written out of Downton Abbey. Last week’s Mail on Sunday reports that he is now in talks to play Guardian deputy editor Ian Katz. Being played by such a high profile star would surely do wonders for Katz's on-going quest for the top job at the paper.

Playing Cousin Matthew in Julian Fellow's mysteriously successful ITV drama, Stevens' character and his chequebook were the saviour of the mythical pile. Sadly for the Guardian it will take more than the death of distant relative to save Kings Place from financial woe.

The news has not be greeted with universal excitement, especially amongst the ladies. Katharine Viner, a fellow deputy editor of paper, took to Twitter to decry the 'men-only affair' when asked who would be playing her. Guardian contributor Julie Bindel chimed in that the soundtrack 'will feature men with balls that clank as they walk in the room.' It's understood that no one from the paper will be personally benefiting from the Hollywood dosh though.

Mr Steerpike hears that the as yet uncast role of Nick Davies will feature heavily in the motion picture which is set to begin filming this year. No word yet on who will play whispering editor Alan Rusbridger, but Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe has to be worth a flutter.