Druggy bear

The greatest compliment I can pay Seth MacFarlane’s Ted is that although this is essentially one of those slacker, stoner comedies, and such comedies aren’t really my thing — too old, too tired, only once had a joint and it made me feel sick then my knees went  all funny — this did make me laugh quite a bit. It’s about a teddy bear that comes alive to fulfil the dream and friendship needs of a lonely little boy. Years later, the two are still living together, in a state of extended adolescence, although it is Ted who is the bad influence. Ted has a potty-mouth. Ted has a dirty mind. Ted smokes weed. Ted likes a drink. Ted is fond of hookers, even though he has no penis. ‘I can’t tell you how many letters I’ve written to Hasbro about that,’ he grumbles at one point. Still, he is inventive with parsnips. Personally, I prefer a penis, and think I always will, but I may just be stuffy and old-fashioned about this too.

This is the first feature film from MacFarlane, creator of the animated series Family Guy and American Dad. It’s a mixture of live action and CGI and although it eventually runs out of steam (any film that ends in an interminable car chase, as this does, is telling you as much) it starts spectacularly well. It opens on Christmas Eve with a camera panning over a snowy Boston neighbourhood as Patrick Stewart narrates. ‘It was that time of year,’ he says, in a voice that’s all fairy-tale treacly, as if we’re about to get A Christmas Story, ‘when Boston children gather together and …(pause) …beat up the Jewish kids.’