Lucy Vickery


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In Competition No. 3087 you were invited to submit haikicks. We already have short-form hybrids such as the clerihaiku (here’s one from Mary Holtby):

Peter Palumbo

Cries, ‘Mumbo-jumbo!’ and rails

At the Prince of Wales

And the limeraiku:

A haiku will do

For a limerick trick, called

A Limeraiku.

That was by Arthur P. Cox.

Now Bill Webster, veteran of these pages, has come up with a new version of the haiku-limerick combination. Hence this challenge. You responded to it with your customary vim and wit, and with the help of such notables as William Spooner, Abraham Lincoln and Jeremys Clarkson and Paxman.

The winners, printed below, are rewarded with a tenner per entry printed.

Abraham Lincoln

Once made America great,

When showing the place

That honour and grace

Held at the heart of the state.

Hugh King

Jeremy Paxman,

who once grilled MPs on toast,

chucked the third degree

and retired to be

an upmarket quiz show host.

Gary Lineker,

football player, then chatter,=

tweets Guardiloo views

on what’s in the news

and seems to think they matter.

Kim Brennan

Margaret Thatcher

Must be restless in the tomb

As Theresa May,

Going runaway,

Leads the nation to its doom.

G.M. Davis

George W. Bush

Is someone I used to diss.

‘He’s like Forrest Gump,’

I cried. Now, with Trump,

He’s someone I somehow miss.

Robert Schechter

Vladimir Putin

Is a devil in disguise.

You’ll see if you trace

The lines of his face

He’s got secret policeman’s eyes.

Jeremy Corbyn:

Ooh, there’s a difficult man.

His heart is quite pure,

But nobody’s sure

Whether the man has a plan.

Basil Ransome-Davies

Nicola Sturgeon

Is a lass who loves stating

What fun it would be

If Scotland were free.

She’s a lady in waiting.

Frank McDonald

Margaret Beckett

Nominated Corbyn to

Be Labour leader

Alas dear reader

A most silly thing to do.

Philip Machin

William Spooner

Would certainly not admire

MPs all at war

And, cocked to the shore,

He’d think they’d all gone way hire.

Alan Millard

Jeremy Clarkson

behaved in ways unruly

so the BBsent him (less his fee)

off to ultima thule.

D.A. Prince

Vladimir Putin

May have influenced voters=

Into electing

A truth-neglecting

Russian asset as POTUS.

Rob Stuart

Pep Guardiola:

King of Catalonia!

He’ll come out on top,

Ahead of Herr Klopp —

Of the two, the moanier.

David Silverman

Theresa M. May

Worked out a compromise pact:

To leave the EU

While remaining too.

No good, whichever you backed.

Andrew Wilcox

Michael O’Leary

Flies you to many places

Much cheaper than chips,

As long as your trips

Don’t involve any cases!

David Duncan Jones

Jeffrey P. Bezos,

The multi-billionaire whizz,

Complains of blackmail.

It seems it’s a Tale

Of Two Peckers. (One is his.)

Brian Allgar

No. 3090: the big reveal

You are invited to submit a recently discovered lost poem by a well-known poet which makes us see him or her in a new light. Please email (wherever possible) entries (16 lines maximum) to by midday on 13 March.