How do you solve a problem like B Johnson? It has troubled the Conservative party since his departure, not least as they presumably do not relish the idea of him going down in history as the last person ever to win them a majority. Interestingly, Labour rarely mentions him, preferring to resurrect Liz Truss again and again. Ironically it has since become clear that they are guilty of many of the things they once criticised Boris for doing; the same love of freebies, a certain economy with the truth, and, inevitably, not knowing that the best time to go was yesterday and the second-best time is today.
Zia Yusuf spoke of ‘the craziness’ of Boris Johnson’s immigration policy;
Of course part of Reform’s press conference was about setting out their priorities on what seems like their inexorable march on Number 10. But it was also about trying to answer the Boris question, or rather, putting Boris to bed. The answer was very clear. Boris was a problem, but not theirs. During the conference about scrapping Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR), both Nigel Farage and Zia Yusuf made constant reference to the Boriswave: out of control immigration was very much his fault and, it was made clear, there would be no route in for him to Nigel’s gang.
The sense of betrayal was palpable. On countless occasions the pair referred back to the absent bogeyman, late of Uxbridge and South Ruislip. Zia Yusuf spoke of ‘the craziness’ of Boris Johnson’s immigration policy; ‘he basically flipped EU migration to non-EU migration and then turned on the after-burners.’
Yusuf, a millennial who was born in 1986, even took one B Johnson to task for ‘having the gall’ to slag off younger Brits in a recent Daily Mail column. ‘He wrote an op-ed lambasting our younger generation for being wet, for being wimps…. No older generation in this country had to compete with so much cheap, unskilled foreign labour’, he added. (Subtext: Ok, Boomer.)
Would Reform UK abolish the House of Lords if their plans ran into trouble, asked Charles Hymas from the Telegraph? ‘Ha ha ha! Noooo!’ chuckled Mr Farage. ‘We might, if we face that problem, just have to appoint a few more peers’. Asked for further detail, he wafted reporters towards Reform UK’s newest recruit. ‘We’ll leave Danny Kruger to work out all of those issues, he’s sitting at the back of the room.’ It reminded me irresistibly of the ending of the great Fawlty Towers episode, The Kipper and the Corpse, when Basil re-directs a group of furious guests in the direction of Sybil: ‘You all deserve an explanation and I’m happy to say that my wife will give it to you. Thank you,’ says Basil, right before he hides in a giant laundry basket.
One journalist asked about the likely legal challenges to their plan. Yusuf reminded the audience that ‘parliament is sovereign’ and with a majority and the political will, they could use primary legislation to override the human rights lawyer industrial complex. Ah yes, the radical idea that you can just do things; someone should have told the Conservative and Labour parties about it.
Another reporter referenced the sequinned elephant in the room. Aggie Chambre of LBC asked why, if Reform UK were so adamantly opposed to Boris Johnson’s legacy, they had taken so many of his closest allies into their ranks. Nige replied that the likes of Dorries, Jenkyns and Berry had ‘learnt the error of their ways’ and had ‘come to us for repentance’. More joy in heaven and all that. Perhaps if Nige’s bid to become Prime Minister doesn’t work out he can be our Archbishop of Canterbury.
But the man himself remained beyond the pale. You can imagine Boris – blue-turquoise tie already purchased from Tie Rack, sweet nothings whispered to Nadine, correct pronunciation of whichever constituency he was hoping to be parachuted into painstakingly biro-ed on the back of his hand –watching the TV with dismay as it becomes clear he’s actually a bogeyman for much of the Right. If the blond bombshell does think that Reform is the best vehicle for his ambition, then the only way this will be possible is through some elaborate deception. Expect to see a Joris Bohnson, fake moustache in hand, standing in a constituency near you.
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