High life | 19 May 2012

Miami Beach

I thought it a good time to visit, neither spring break debauchery nor fashionista pretence time. So I signed up yet again for the judo championships, trained very hard and flew down with four buddies hoping to stay in a family hotel near the water, a bit like Bogie stopping at a place in Key Largo and running into Johnny Rocco, a crime tsar grown old and bitter and played by Edward G. Robinson. In that wonderful golden oldie, Claire Trevor played Rocco’s alcoholic mistress and portrayed the hooker as a sympathetic victim. (She also won the Academy Award for that role.)

Well, I’ve got news for you. There are no hotels like the one in Key Largo left anywhere in Florida, no Claire Trevors and certainly no Bogies. Sure, there are plenty of Johnny Roccos around, but they’re Cuban, they’re very fat, very loud, and much too vulgar even for Miami off-season.