Andy Shaw

A handy guide to Hotel Quarantine

  • From Spectator Life
Image: Guy Venables

On the one year anniversary of the arrival of the Covid virus in the UK, the government has introduced strict quarantine measures to stop the virus arriving again. The shock discovery that the virus mutates in other countries, as well as our own, has prompted the government to incarcerate travellers as they step off their plane.

Robert Jenrick, the Secretary of State for Housing has added the responsibility of ‘housing people in hotel rooms against their will’ to his portfolio. This week, he said: ‘There will be a time when we will look back and say, with hindsight, that there are things the government could have done differently. But that time is not now’.

With the foresight of hindsight, a senior government Minister has shown perfect near-sightedness about our situation.

Some British holiday-makers may be delighted to discover that they have an additional 10 days off work. Many are well known for stretching their vacation to the limit. But hotel quarantine can be imposed on any traveller. What if it happens to you? What could you do for 10 whole days in a Travelodge?

Day 1 – Try to work remotely, by connecting to the hotel WiFi. When you discover that the hotel WiFi costs £5 per hour and rarely works anyway, stop work and resign yourself to 10 days of enforced leisure.

Day 2 – Empty the mini bar. Line-up each miniature bottle and make them last by drinking one each hour.

Day 3 – Sleep off Day 2

Day 4 – Dare to venture out of your room. The security guard, at the end of the corridor, will order you back inside. Repeat for a reverse game of hide and seek.

Day 5 – Turn on the TV and flick through the channels – discover the Dutch anti-lockdown riots on RT. Consider civil disobedience, then think the better of it.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in