How did an immigrant to England get into the Home Secretary’s office?

How did an immigrant to England get into the Home Secretary’s office?

News that various Nigerian cleaners, working on Home Office premises dealing with immigration, were themselves illegal immigrants was amusing enough. But people are always wandering around Home Office premises whom staff cannot be expected immediately to identify, no matter how hard staff might try.

First Nigerian cleaner: ‘Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?’

John Reid: ‘Aye.’

‘For how long?’

‘About a week. Just gettin’ t’noo the place.’

Second Nigerian cleaner: ‘What language is he speaking?’

First Nigerian: ‘English, but with a foreign accent. He obviously wasn’t born here. Do you have any means of identification, sir?’

Mr Reid: ‘Ah doo nay need it.’

Second Nigerian: ‘We’ve all got to have our passes, mister. But I won’t call security yet. You’re obviously one of us. We illegals must stick together. Then, in the end, they’ll let us stay. But we’ll not help a terrorist. You’re not one, are you? You say you’ve been here a week. Where did you work before that?’

Mr Reid: ‘At the Ministry of Defence.’

First Nigerian: ‘That means he’s been involved in bombing. He could be dangerous. How long were you there?’

Mr Reid: ‘About a year.’

Second Nigerian: ‘And before that?’

Mr Reid: ‘Department of Health.’

First Nigerian: ‘And for how long were you there?’

Mr Reid: ‘About a year.’

Second Nigerian: ‘Bit of a drifter, eh? How come you’ve been sacked so often? You can’t be a competent cleaner.’

Mr Reid: ‘Listen, Jimmy. I’ve had to clean up after one Cabinet minister after another — the latest being that Charles Clarke. Heard of him?’

First Nigerian: ‘Never heard of him. Is he an illegal too?’

Second Nigerian: ‘Clarke? I remember him. The fat guy with the ears. Kept on losing foreign criminals. Useless cleaner too. Blair had to deport him.