There are strict rules governing the language that MPs can use in the House of Commons. Words like ‘guttersnipe’, ‘stoolpigeon’ and ‘hypocrite’ are considered unparliamentary, and MPs can be chucked out of the Chamber for the rest of the day if they do not withdraw their comments. Sadly, though, they can get away with behaviour that is quite unparliamentary in the sense that it undermines the purpose of parliament on a regular basis.
This unparliamentary behaviour popped up at today’s Work and Pensions Questions, but it occurs in almost every departmental question session, and at Prime Minister’s Questions too. It is the Utterly Pointless Question, one in which an MP asks a minister to congratulate them for doing something that all MPs do in order to make the session just a little bit easier for the minister because the minister merely needs to agree that motherhood is good and apple pie to be encouraged. Signs that an UPQ is being asked include ‘does the minister agree with me that – ?’, ‘will my right honourable friend join me in congratulating -’ and – most commonly – the words ‘jobs fair’.
Jobs fairs are something most MPs organise from time to time in their constituencies. But for those MPs who are casting around at the great political jobs fair, hoping that they’ll get promoted by dint of sucking up to ministers, they’re a perfect device for asking an Utterly Pointless Question in the Chamber. This afternoon, for instance, the very impressive Victoria Atkins ended up using her moment with the minister to talk about her local jobs and apprenticeships fair:
‘Does my right honourable friend agree with me that one way in which members of this house can help young people find work is through hosting jobs and apprenticeship fairs and does she look forward to the first ever jobs and apprenticeship fair in my constituency of Louth and Horncastle on 2 September?’
Priti Patel replied by congratulating Atkins on organising her jobs fair, and urged other members to copy her. Atkins is not the only one: Tory MPs cannot stop talking about their jobs fairs.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a jobs fair – though MPs seem to be able to get away with talking about these events without having to explain whether they actually resulted in anyone getting a job. But departmental questions is a session for MPs to quiz ministers on the work of their department and to raise cases of concern with them. It is not a session for MPs to take questions that have been suggested by the aides who work for ministers in order to help the minister out.
Before most sessions, a parliamentary private secretary will circulate helpful questions for MPs who fancy earning some brownie points to take. Those questions are naturally anodyne and pointless and just designed to take up time and air in the Commons so that the minister can get through the session with a little more ease. But they might also be rather pointless for the backbencher in question. Of course the Prime Minister is unlikely to promote someone who is constantly trying to undermine the government in the Commons. But he is also looking for would-be ministers who offer at least a hint that they might be able to think for themselves, come up with their own questions, and understand the policy area enough to ask constructive questions. Atkins and her colleagues listed above are all highly impressive types with interesting careers from their pre-Westminster lives, so they don’t need an email from a PPS to tell them what to ask.
In any case, those in the new intake who are desperate for promotion and hope a jobs fair may help could be in for a disappointment. I hear that Cameron is in no rush to promote new MPs in his summer reshuffle, preferring to let them develop themselves as MPs and instead offer jobs to those from earlier intakes who still have something to offer but were overlooked during the Coalition years. Currently the members of the new intake of MPs like to boast that they all get on marvellously well, not realising that this is because no-one has an opportunity to be jealous of another’s success. The Prime Minister would be wise to keep them all on the backbenches (though preferably with better things to ask about than jobs fairs) for as long as possible.
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