How to fail upwards

Steam, which is largely insubstantial, rises. The same goes for soap suds, methane bubbles and numerous politicians. We naively consider 21st-century Britain a meritocracy, yet serial failures still float to the top of our public life.

It has been a good year for these latter-day Widmerpools. Two changes of prime minister provided rich openings. One failer-upper made it all the way to 10 Downing Street; another leads HM Opposition. They are not just in parliamentary politics. In the civil service, journalism, art, football, business, the church and elsewhere, duffers drift upwards, grinning inanely while the rest of us gasp: ‘How did that happen?’

Resistance is pointless. We should embrace these lemons as part of the serendipity of life. Failer-uppers give hope to us all. Hail, therefore, the following paladins of bungling:

Liz Truss: one minute she was best known for making a daft speech about cheese, next she was our prime minister. Had everyone forgotten her stint as justice secretary? It made Chris Grayling’s time in that role look illustrious.

Sir Keir Starmer: the nasal knight (why can’t he blow his nose?) wasn’t much good as director of public prosecutions or as Jeremy Corbyn’s Brexit spokesman. During lockdown? Worse than useless. A dead cert for No. 10, then.

Andrew Bailey: stupendous dullard who steered the Financial Conduct Authority to near-calamity. Now working his magic as governor of the Bank of England. Was appointed by…

Sajid Javid: bodged six government departments before helping to topple Boris Johnson in the name of stability. Even worse chaos ensued. Has grown a goatee, as they do. Was ousted as chancellor by…

Dominic Cummings: political genius formerly hated, now lionised, by the left. Argued that the Blob was a menace. Through his own feral plotting he then secured the triumph of… the Blob. Lee Harvey Oswald settled for one assassination, Dom has bumped off three Tory leaders (Iain Duncan Smith, Theresa May, Boris Johnson).