I demand my right to night

The LED streetlamp outside my house was fitted with a ‘compromise’ shield acceptable to a vegan that looked as if it had been made on Blue Peter using sticky-back plastic, and that was bad enough.

But a few weeks later, we were sitting in our living room and the light from this streetlamp seemed almost back to full strength, despite the makeshift strip of black gaffer tape.

We had been forced to accept this most rubbish of solutions – which wasn’t a solution at all really, and which I’m sure totally breached our human rights if I wanted to be that sort of whinger – because our neighbour, the vegan, had the proper shield removed.

She claims she likes the LED bulb at full blast, although how can she? I will say, in her defence, vegans do love harsh light bulbs, especially in the countryside.

It’s something to do with them generally being suburban, left-leaning types who want to make rural areas more like the town. Also, vegans are famously lacking in the feelgood nutrients that make one happy, so they’re going to complain and be unreasonable.

But notwithstanding all that, and with all my sincerest sympathies to her for the diet she has to endure, it still makes more sense to me that what this lady really wants is a blinding light shining through my window because she and I do not see eye to eye on anything.

And as she is the one married to the Surrey county councillor who’s on the Highways committee (amused cough), it’s obviously more likely to be her way with the Highways than mine.