I’m ready to be more hospitable to refugees (on one condition)

I read in the Daily Mail that the hunt is on for an Isis terrorist camped out in Calais who is anxious to get into the UK so that he can kill everyone. Perhaps Bob Geldof could put him up in his London flat. Certainly the people at #refugeeswelcome should be agitating to have this chap given his papers immediately – he has important work to do and it must be frustrating sitting in that camp, seeing the white cliffs of Dover beckoning in the distance. Things might get so bad that he is forced to blow himself up in France. But just one Isis terrorist? You sure ‘bout that?

Meanwhile, there are queues of asylum seekers at a German church, all of them wishing to embrace Christianity so as to ease their passage into the west. As Christians, they could then argue to the authorities that they would face discrimination (ie, head chopped off, burned alive, raped and then burned alive etc) by adherents of the Religion of Peace in their home countries and thus cannot be deported. I have to say I heartily approve of this development, whatever reason they’re doing it for. Renounce that ideology and agree to abide by a few western tenets and I, for one, would be more accommodating about letting you in.