I removed my mask and all hell broke loose

The girl in the posh soap shop put her right arm out, palm flat in my face, and shouted: ‘Stand back! Step away from me now if you are going to remove your mask!’

I had been advancing on the Vetiver handwash, having failed to make myself clear through my mask to the assistant in her mask that this was what I wanted to buy and, being prevented from picking it up myself as the shop had a no-touch policy, I was driven to the brink of lawlessness.

‘Vetiver!’ I had begun pleading through my face mask as the girl lifted the wrong product off the shelves, over and over again.

She set Bergamot in front of me. She set Eucalyptus in front of me.

‘Vetiver!’ I begged, but all that was coming out was ‘e-i-ur!’

I pointed at the display cabinet and tried to single out the bright green bottle on the top shelf. Whereupon she got down Kelp and Magnesium.

All things considered, I unhooked one ear string and pulled my mask slightly away from my face and said: ‘ Vet-i-ver!’

And that was when all hell broke loose.

The girl dropped the products in her arms on to the cash desk, put her right arm out, palm in my face, and shouted: ‘Stand back! Step away from me now if you are going to remove your mask!’

It was like a scene from Law and Order, with me as the perp. I felt extremely guilty, not guilty as in, oh dear I shouldn’t have undone my mask a bit, but guilty as in, I am a dangerous criminal putting lives at risk and threatening the very fabric of our society. Head bowed in shame, I refastened my mask to both ears and vowed I would never do something so subversive again.