Theo Hobson

I’ve discovered a new way to annoy holier-than-thou rugby fans

I've discovered a new way to annoy holier-than-thou rugby fans
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Some advice. Don’t watch the rugby world cup final with anyone too politically correct. My friend Tom and I were so busy arguing about the Haka that we missed the first try during the semi-final on Saturday.

‘I love a bit of primitive ritual’ I said, as the men in black became animated wood carvings that would make a missionary quake.

‘Er, I’m not sure you’re allowed to say that.’

‘Eh?’

‘I think you’ll find that word’s kind of you know…racist?’

‘What, primitive?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Racist? But there’s white people doing it too.’

‘Yeah but it’s a Maori thing, so you’re basically calling Maoris primitive. You’re meant to call it traditional.’

‘But this is a primitive thing they’re doing – it’s originally a war dance isn’t it?’

‘But you can’t say primitive – it’s like calling them savages.’

‘Not really – “primitive” means original, first or early.’

‘It’s associated with calling a non-European culture inferior.’

‘Well it also has positive associations – of purity, authenticity.’

‘Er, yeah, and childlike – noble savages. Half-devil and half-child.’

‘Look, it’s primitive to do a bloody war-dance. It’s not racist to say that. It’s also primitive to do bloody Morris dancing.’

‘Shut up – look, they’ve scored a try.’