If you're going to adapt a bestseller, don't choose the A-Z

What’s the quickest way to create a hit musical? Base it on a bestselling book. The writers of The A-Z of Mrs P have done just that. But they’ve chosen the wrong book. You twits. You need to pick a popular novel, not the London street directory. The main character, Phyllis Pearsall, spent years trudging the pavements of the capital creating her catalogue of 23,000 streets. In this show, the character of Mrs P, a posh and self-contained bumpkin, proves dramatically inert. The writers seem to have twigged that she’s a dud, so they’ve turned their attention to her uppity Hungarian father and his sozzled Irish wife. But these two yield no rewards either. He’s a shouty nuisance and she’s a whimpering wreck. Several of the songs cleverly recreate the repetitive rat-a-tat soundscape of Mrs P’s diligent drudgery through London. This is well done, certainly, but, like the show, it’s the wrong thing to have attempted in the first place.

Visitors is an airless title for a curious drama about the human endgame. The setting is geriatric. So is the pace. Edie and Arthur have been married for about a century and Edie is showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Arthur employs a pretty young carer so that he can maintain their farm. A feckless son, Stephen, shows up, takes a fancy to the carer, and asks her out. The carer says, yes, maybe. These bare elements develop a little during the play but not much. It’s a high-risk strategy. Ageing actors, a boring set, a wordy script, a dearth of spectacle and action, and an understated manner are all proven narcotics in the theatre.