Is swimming racist?

I think we can all be delighted that, at last, the University of Leicester has taken action to end one of the real problems associated with swimming pools – the presence there of awful white people, swimming about all over the place. Odious, arrogant, pasty-faced white people with their mewling, stupid white children. White people doing the breast stroke and the crawl. White people climbing out of the pool looking horribly white. White people deliberately infecting the global swimming majority with their filthy white verrucas.

The university, alongside the Unity Swimming organisation, is running segregated swimming sessions for black and ethnic minority people. Unity Swimming says its stated intention is to: “Provide a safe space, to improve swimming confidence, positive mental health, fitness, water safety and aquatics career support and funding for Black and Asian communities.” And so they are holding lessons for ‘individuals from underrepresented communities’. Hop off, whitey.

It is true that black and Asian people are, on average, less likely to be able to swim than the white supremacists. But I’m not 100 per cent certain that’s our fault. If it is the presence of white folk around that stops them learning to swim, wouldn’t it be a good idea, in this integrated country of ours, to teach them to overcome their fear of white folks before they are taught to overcome their fear of water? Or maybe do both at the same time, by not holding segregated sessions?