Celia Walden

It sure beats The Priory

Celia Walden says that the evangelical Alpha course makes the rich and beautiful feel good about themselves and provides them with a dating agency

The chances are that if you’re nearing 30, you have begun to feel the itch of dissatisfaction. You’ve struggled to find the perfect profession, job, partner and home, but have failed in at least one respect, and are suffering from a sense of existential disgruntlement that is becoming known as the quarter-life crisis. But however bad it gets, there is one temptation you must resist: the Alpha experience.

I came across this phenomenon when a friend invited me to a dinner party recently in Holy Trinity Church on the Brompton Road. Our collective hosts were to be Alpha, an organisation that offers an introductory course in Christianity, over a meal with speeches followed by ‘informal chats’. I hate to appear closed-minded, but it just so happens that she is the fourth person in my twentysomething entourage to be bitten by the Alpha bug and it’s making me increasingly uneasy. It’s not because I am an atheist that I disapprove; it’s more that smart, sassy friends of mine are losing their sense of humour and their cynicism as they plummet into the black hole that is Alpha. As I see it, they’re looking for a way out of their late-twenties blues, and so when Alpha comes along and says, ‘I will make your life better’, all critical intelligence evaporates and is replaced with a kind of bovine optimism.

I can see the temptation of Alpha. Like a shot of wheatgrass in your morning fruit smoothie, it offers an easily digestible boost, a reassuring sense of a purpose to life, without the nasty taste of actual sacrifice. Alpha also acts as a posh counselling and dating agency, minus the shame of both. So no wonder the ‘Beginner’s Guide to God’, a ten-week introduction to Christianity, has now expanded from London around the world, attracting celebrities like David Suchet, Geri Halliwell, Samantha Fox and Jonathan Aitken.

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