Blindness, ignorance and folly were on fully display at PMQs. Rishi Sunak was absent in Vilnius where he’s busy discussing with his Nato chums how to prolong or escalate the war in Ukraine. His deputy, Oliver Dowden, tried to fend off some excellent, probing questions from Labour’s Angela Rayner. She berated the Tories for overseeing a rise of 75 per cent in the number of ‘homeless children.’ Dowden replied with a feeble scripted gag.
‘Her leader says he hates tree-huggers but they’ve been very keen on hugging that magic money tree.’
Labour members howled with derision at that daft quip. Bad day for Dowden.
The Alba party’s Kenny MacAskill complained about global warming which continues to ignore the shivering citizens of Scotland. Last winter was rather nippy up there, apparently, and the number of ambulance call-outs to hypothermia cases rose by 84 per cent in the far north. ‘One third of Scots in energy-rich Scotland live in fuel poverty,’ cried MacAskill, ‘and are literally freezing.’ He called this ‘a perversity.’ Which is true. Obvious answer: burn more North Sea oil. But the Scottish establishment wants to deny Scots the cheap fuel that will prevent them from freezing to death. Instead MacAskill proposed a ‘social tariff’ which sounds meaningless and probably is.
The latest insanity of the green cult was highlighted by Tory MP Jane Stevenson. A local care-home can’t meet the cost of new ‘environmental standards’ so it may have to close. In other words, green policies evict grannies.
Meanwhile Natural England is putting holiday-makers at risk in the Norfolk Broads. Duncan Baker revealed that some seagulls have nested in an important telephone mast but it can’t be touched until the birds move out. With the mast decommissioned, tourists may die because they can’t call 999 in an emergency. Natural England might use that as a slogan on their website. ‘Comfy seagulls. Dead citizens.’
The stock comic figure of the boastful military bore was immortalised by Shakespeare in the shape of John Falstaff. Colonel Bob Stewart keeps the joke alive. Today he praised the ‘gallantry’ of a heroic British regiment who rescued 2,000 citizens from Srebrenica in 1993. ‘It was very dangerous!’ he cried, jowls atremble. But which of us can name the fearless warrior who commanded that elite and courageous task-force? Colonel Bob knows the answer. Why, it’s Colonel Bob himself. In a well-governed state, dotty old narcissists would be discouraged from praising themselves in public. But in the UK they’re given a salary, a complement of staff and an office in Westminster.
Karen Bradley picked her words carefully when she referred to a luxury holiday club, funded by taxpayers, whose membership is restricted to MPs and their friends. Club members get to fly around the globe and meet other tax-suckers to discuss subjects like ‘governance’, ‘gender equality’ and similar bilge. The members-only club calls itself the Inter-Parliamentary Union and, like all unions, it serves its own interests while claiming to work for the universal good. But all is not well for the spongers and idlers who enjoy the club’s endless schedule of round-the-world freebies. The USA has quit the union! So our poor MPs can’t take paid jaunts to Washington any more.
‘Get the USA to rejoin this very important organisation,’ said Bradley pompously. Dowden, who is usually swift to condemn the corruption of unions, said he would add his voice to her campaign. Free holidays in America are not a privilege but a necessity (for MPs only, of course). That’s the message from parliament.
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