Venetia Thompson says that the pneumatic model — banned from the key enclosures — is no more of a ‘chav’ than the punters who throng at these increasingly vulgar events
‘What would we do/ usually drink, usually dance, usually bubble/All I want to do is tell you I love you/ That’s when I start promising the world to/ A brand new girl I don’t even know yet/ Next thing she’s wearing my Rolex.’
The sun has gone down and thousands of open-neck pale-pink shirts, blazers, Ray-Bans, blonde highlights and surgically enhanced perma-tan breasts bounce along to a surprise performance by UK rapper extraordinaire Wiley, singing his recent hit ‘Wearing my Rolex’. It is well received. Arms are waved in the air. Champagne bottles are swigged from. High-heeled shoes are kicked off. Someone singing along suddenly stops and asks their friend what it means when one ‘bubbles’.
But there were one pair of notable implants missing from this year’s Cartier International Polo. Those of Jordan, or Katie Price as she is now known, who was not only banned from the VIP Cartier tent, but also prevented from buying a table within the Chinawhite enclosure, on account of her being too much of a ‘chav’ to attend the ‘most prestigious sporting event of the season’. And here I was thinking that Chinawhite, Cartier and chavs were like the Three Musketeers; one for all and all for one.
After all, only chavs now frequent the London night club Chinawhite (despite their rumoured efforts to attract a more upmarket crowd). The club’s association with polo seems a little strange given how out of favour it is with the Sloanes, who have long since deserted it for Boujis. Still, it clings on year after year.