Why do people always fall from grace for the wrong reasons? I had always hoped that if Keith Vaz finally fell from whatever form of grace he could lay claim to, it would be for really good reasons. Regular readers will know that my detestation of him dates back to 1989 when as a young MP he first offered support to Salman Rushdie in the business of the Ayatollah’s fatwa and then a few weeks later led a demonstration of thousands of angry British Muslims in opposition to Rushdie and his novel. Someone who is capable of that is capable of absolutely anything.
Such as hauling the Metropolitan Police in front of your Parliamentary committee and forcing them to make a grovelling apology for not knowing that a Muslim schoolgirl in London was planning to head to Syria to become a jihadi rape-volunteer. Mr Vaz got his grandstanding moment. The police got their humiliation. And only later – whoops – did anybody bother to find out that the father of the girl in question (who had also appeared before Mr Vaz’s committee, all teddy bears, tears and incomprehension) was himself a Muslim extremist who could be found on a weekend hollering for the death of the West with the best of them.
Yet none of this ever seemed to catch up with him. So the Eastern European rent boys will have to do it. But I cannot say that I relish the fact. My own view is that if Keith is into the whole gay thing then his options were probably somewhat limited by necessity and one ought to feel slightly sorry for him. He certainly ought not to have unprotected sex with rent boys while married (though my thoughts on this matter aren’t developed, mainly because I just don’t want to think about it much). But the point I would like to make is that other than getting rent boys it is hard to imagine many other routes to happiness for Vaz in the whole gay area.
For although one does not want to rub salt into wounds, if you have the appearance of Penfold, the condescension of a cat and the physique of a care bear, even being a Chairman of the Home Affairs select committee won’t help you get much in the way of gay totty. Had he hung around in bars I imagine it would have made the news. Had he got onto some gay internet dating app I imagine it would have made the news. And had he just hoped to meet the right person through work (his work being where it is) I imagine that would have been unsuccessful long before it could have made the news. Of course it must all be embarrassing for Mrs Vaz and the family (and I imagine, for some of his erstwhile supporters). But everybody else will have their own giggles about this, and understandably so. Who could not laugh at the recording of Mr Vaz pretending to be ‘Jim’ the industrial washing-machine salesman, boasting to these poor, bored rent boys about the size – the sheer grandeur – of his mighty washing machines. Only then for the whole cycle – at goodness knows how much expense of risk and money – to be over in a few minutes.
For my own part I can only regret once again that it is personal foibles and failures which tend to catch up with our politicians rather than the political damage the likes of Vaz have caused this country for years. Anyhow – I see that Keith is currently threatening to sue some of his critics and hinting that he may have been drugged and taken advantage of by the Eastern European rent boys. So unfortunately, thanks to him, it looks like this will be a matter we will have to return to.
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