It’s Burns night on Tuesday and after two years of pandemic politics, what better time to celebrate the Union? Yesterday evening Tory unionists piled into the opulent splendour of the the Cavalry and Guards Club for the London branch of the Scottish Conservatives’ annual celebration of the national poet. Steerpike’s spies were in attendance to enjoy the traditional bagpipes and whisky, with Dame Eleanor Laing delivering a magisterial toast to the haggis in her wonderful Paisley accent — a job for which her stints in the Speaker’s chair have certainly proved good training.
Scottish leader Douglas Ross was the star turn, having found himself caught between a Holyrood/Westminster tug-of-war in recent days after calling for Boris Johnson to go. Veiled digs, leadership gags and cricketing metaphors were in short supply last night as Ross’s ‘Immortal Memory’ passed off without incident – having survived the embarrassment of Sir Malcolm Rifkind inadvertently rechristening him ‘Donald Ross.’ The MSP confined his remarks to praising the Bard, of whom he said: ‘a taxman and a Unionist, I think we can comfortably say that Burns would have voted Scottish Conservative.’ Cue whisky-fuelled giggles all round.
But it was an MP from down south who stole the evening with her jibe at First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. Treasury minister Helen Whately rose to deliver the reply to the toast to the lassies, pointing out that as a Kent MP she couldn’t get much further away from Scotland. Yet she does keep a close eye on proceedings up north, as she told the audience:
Though I may be an English lassie, I may know a thing or two about beating Nicola Sturgeon. When I got the invitation to speak Mr Chairman, I did wonder if word had reached you about a shock poll result at the end of last year. Anyone here who is an avid reader of the Doncaster Free Press will know that last year I was voted Britain’s fourth sexiest female politician. That was an honour in itself but what I was particularly pleased about was that I beat Nicola Sturgeon — so if anyone wants to talk about strategies to beat the SNP I can give you some tips.
Mr S looks forward to sex appeal being front and centre of Douglas Ross’s efforts next time the Holyrood elections come around.
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