Life in the e-lane

The plane landed a fraction early, at just after 9 p.m. Hope flickered that passport control would be as deserted as the echoing arrivals terminal. But no. By the time we reached sight of what is now labelled in enormous letters the ‘UK Border’, we had joined a mass of humanity in a single corridor to be decanted in batches into ‘the maze’.

This is the point where, at most UK airports, the great segregation occurs, between UK/EU passports and the rest, and then between regular channels and ‘e-passports’. Often, they try to chivvy you into e-passports. Tonight, though, these lanes were taped off. After the long shuffle to the control desk, I had the nerve to ask why.

I dare say that this was a question British Airways might have asked when it complained recently about interminable late-evening queues at Heathrow, because the answer offered part of an explanation. E-passport channels, apparently, are invariably closed after 10 p.m. because the shift changes and there are not enough staff. My watch showed the time to be 10.03.

My first thought was to regret that my plane had not been that bit earlier. My second was more to the point. Hang on a moment: wasn’t the whole reason for e-passports that machines (and passengers) did the work? So why wasn’t Heathrow opening, rather than closing, its e-passport channels when the evening shift went home?

Well, dear reader, dear fellow passenger, deep down you already know why. Because some large piece of machinery that was installed to improve efficiency has ended up costing time — staff time and, more particularly, yours and mine. Anyone still puzzled by the Great British productivity conundrum (we lag stubbornly way behind even France) has part of the answer right here.