As the Ukraine crisis worsened last night, where else would politicos be except the British Kebab Awards – which celebrate all that is good about the humble kebab shop. Alongside journalists, bag-handlers and spinners, a raft of politicians were queuing up to pay tribute to the industry including shadow Foreign Secretary David Lammy and education minister Nadhim Zahawi, who delivered a fiery denunciation of Putin from the lectern.
The guest of honour though was Speaker of the House of Commons, Lindsay Hoyle. The Chorley MP used the occasion to both condemn what was happening in Ukraine and then reveal his own love of cooked meat dishes. He told the raucous attendees that:
I’ve got to tell you: I love a kebab. A kebab is something special, it’s the food I have on my way to a meeting or at the end of a night. I love a chicken kebab, I love a lamb kebab, I love a sheesh kebab. Let me tell you, I like all three together. That’s the kind of kebab person I am.
What a message of unity. The talk of the night though was the remarkable transformation of Len McCluskey. The recently-departed general secretary of Unite was known as a heavyweight trade unionist but now looks nothing of the sort, having shed the pounds since he left office. Has the Labour power-broker been taking dieting tips off his former flatmate Tom Watson? Asked by Mr S for his secret, McCluskey replied:
Only all that pressure has lifted off me and I’m able to look at myself in the mirror.
Clearly the £98 million Unite hotel probe isn’t bothering him. Sadly, McCluskey’s long-time comrade Jeremy Corbyn couldn’t be in attendance last night, despite his deeply-held love of falafel wraps. What a missed opportunity to celebrate our friends in hummus. A number of Jezza’s parliamentary colleagues did show up though, with a quick browse of the abstentions on last night’s division lists revealing which MPs like a cheeky kebab.
Looks like it’s not just Tory backbenchers who enjoy a diet of red meat…
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