Lucy Vickery

Lonely hearts

In Competition 2835 you were invited to submit a profile for an online dating website for a well-known politician, living or dead.

Unlucky loser John Samson’s Oliver Cromwell might, I suppose, appeal to those who like the masterful type: ‘That ye should seek matrimonial harmony by reading such vainglorious publications doth render thee unworthy of espousing this Puritan. Speak thus of me to thy more God-fearing sisters…’ Commiserations, too, to Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead and Hugh King. The winners take £25 each. W.J. Webster pockets the bonus fiver.

Hi, my name is John. I’m from Yorkshire. We all know Yorkshiremen can be bluff and let me tell you straight out I’m 100 per cent bluff. I speak as I find and find as I speak. WICWIG as the young folk say. I am, yes, a man of mature age but I’m still in the prime of my condition. Folk say I’m built along the lines of Marvin Brando. As of now I don’t want to let on too much but the record shows I did it my way to come from humble upbringings to be a household celebrity. I’ve been sat in the highest offices in the land and if I say it as shouldn’t I’m damn sure I exume what they call the afrodiziac of power. But when you get to know me underneath I’m just a simple bloke looking to share some romantics with a gorgeous lady.
W.J. Webster
 
Tall, vibrant, athletic Adonis — honest to a fault, who once occupied the highest seat of power but who unselfishly laid it aside to give a humbler mortal the chance to glow (if only for a few months), known the world over as a man of action and courage, an innovator par excellence, musically gifted, honoured and praised by millions of worshippers, a young Lochinvar incomparably talented in peace and unquestionably sincere and meticulously moral in war, a very Daniel in judgment, one whose counsel is sought by high and low across the globe, yet, despite these many impressive attributes, a self-effacing soul in search of a small cot wherein to rest his warrior frame in the arms of a woman who will, if that is humanly possible, lead him to greater accomplishments — seeks a young Aphrodite who will ever complement and compliment his charms.


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