Losing my bottle

Why does Waitrose think I can’t be trusted with Chablis?

I was refused alcohol in Waitrose the other day. Not because of my age, nor because I don’t look my age. Nor, I hasten to add, because I was drunk. I was buying supper in Waitrose — two chickens, two bottles of chablis, some green beans — and when the woman on the till reached the wine she shook her head, folded her arms, and told me she could not serve me. At first I thought it was some silly joke. My children laughed along merrily. ‘Ooh, mum, she thinks you’re 17.’

But the children were the problem.

When you shop with small children they’re a nightmare because they’re asking for sweets and whining. When you shop with teenage daughters you often find bizarre cosmetics and false nails have appeared in your basket. What you don’t expect, at either stage of life, is that your shopping is censored because you are accompanied by your children.

The children in question were 21, 17 and 13 and were behaving perfectly decently. None of that mattered. Waitrose has made it a policy not to serve alcohol to people accompanied by teenagers, unless the teenagers have identification. Baffled, I tried the art of charm and gentle conversation to change her mind. She was a middle-aged lady, with a decent round face and not too badly dyed hair. I thought we could connect. I discussed my brother, the food I was serving him, the distance I live from the town, but she was curiously uninterested. My eldest daughter, who is a fighter, began to send out aggressive signals, but I called her back to heel before the woman noticed.

Then I suggested a compromise: I sent the younger ones out of the shop and turned back to the intransigent till-keeper.